I had had a whole other (nother? I'd usually say "whole nother" in speech but in writing I realize how stupid that must sound) sad blog about death and worrying planned, but I decided that I am overly macabre and dramatic when I'm drunk. Haha. Stupid, stupid drinking. So over it.

I had the best day in Boulder yesterday! Went on a bit of a shopping spree. Bought some pretty, pretty things in a pretty, pretty place! Ask me about them. Then two hippies (not old ones, they were a bit older than me) with amazing, piercing, dazzlingly beautiful blue eyes came up to me. I choked. I have been on a hippie binge lately. They fascinate me infinitely at the moment, and here were two young, real live hippies. I was so excited. They lived on a commune near the Springs, they said. I just gawked. They handed me a free newsletter. I was excited and thought to say thank you but couldn't think to say much else. They asked where we were from and we mumbled answers. They laughed and we smiled and said goodbye. Haha. I just love hippies... I would go live on a commune but I don't think I'd fit in.

So tonight wasn't such a good or fun night after all.

I found out my dog has cancer. She's old. Probably best not to try some doggie chemo on her.

Other than that... I just feel really alone. Like I'm being talked about behind my back. Like I'm not truly wanted. Didn't think I'd care that much but I guess I'm not above anything anymore. I feel alone and sad.

It's late... And I wish tomorrow were here.

I'm at my second day of work and I feel like crap. It's really weird... at first I had a blind spot like I looked at a bright light. It stayed for a while and then once it was gone I started to get this slight headache. It got a little bit worse and I started to feel a little nauseous, kinda tired and very aloof and stupid. It was hard to think of simple words and form coherent sentences... and right now I'm glad that I have that ability back. WTF... I feel so wierd still. I still have 2 hours of work. I just want to take a nap.

Eyes Wide Shut is good... but weird.

For some reason this was my first time ever listening to this whole entire album... Why is she so unbelievable...?

This is my first day at work! I got a job at the Modern Languages office. I suck at it so far... the phone just rang and I'm alone in the office and I didn't know what to say when I answered so I just let it ring... haha. I'll say I was in the bathroom or something. It's exciting to have a kinda real job though. My paychecks go toward my tuition, so I don't get any in my pocket. Oh well. At least I'm bringing home SOME bacon.

Best night ever:

• nice slow early start
  
• lots of good flip cup
  
• playing my first beer pong ever
  
• whoopin ass at my first beer pong ever
  
• losing my first beer pong ever cuz Barkley sucked
  
• a little asshole, i ditched early though cuz i was FIENDIN and I know when to go.
  
• (speaking of asshole...) mooning the amorous Asians with Mark and Adam
  
• kegstands
  
• my first whole enjoyable cigarette
  
• passing around Srs. Jack and José
  
• not puking, twice
  
• overly rambunctious partygoers
  
• male bonding
  
• loud shatterings of broken windows and bleeding
  
• FINALLY some great bumpin music and hott dance party instigating
  
• That 70's Show
  
• hangin out on the miraculous invisibility porch
  
• feeling GREAT, even late
  
• making it home to sleep very well in my own bed

In other news, I'm probably going to live in Germany next year.  I want to study abroad in Oldenburg for both semesters.  I've been considering it for a long time but recently, upon really getting to know my new friend Alyssa who spent a year in France, I have become completely convinced.  It's really the only way I could become fluent.  Plus... it's cheap.  I really just can't wait.  Now to ask the parents.. haha.  Here's my essay:

From a very young age, I have been hugely fascinated by different cultures, and since my first opportunities to see parts of the world as a small child, I have had an insatiable appetite for travel and exploration.  I have always loved to learn as much as I can about the world and the peoples that inhabit it.  Obviously, studying abroad seems like a natural choice for me to make, even if it were only to fulfill these of my desires.
However, there are plenty of other reasons I am really looking forward to going to Oldenburg next year.  As a German major, I believe that the only way I should be able to carry a degree in German Language is of course to be fluent in it, but to have a deep understanding of the people that speak it as well.  Spending a year among those very people, immersed in their language and culture, is an obvious fast track to achieving these academic goals.  Also, as a double major of German and Geography I could use the year in Oldenburg to get my German requirements out of the way so I can return to UNC to focus on graduating in a more timely manner than would be possible without this exchange program.  Upon returning to UNC I hope to use the language skills I aquire abroad to help me in my pursuit of a degree in German immensely.  I also want to study in Germany if only for the fact that I love the country and I would love to spend more time there.
I know that living in these circumstances will greatly broaden my horizons not only culturally but personally,  as I adapt to a completely new and frightening environment.
The idea of this challenge is very, very exciting to me.  My deep passion for travel is yet another factor compelling me to go; the student travel ticket and opportunity to travel around the country at such an amazingly affordable rate seem too good to be true, and I simply cannot wait to be able to take advantage of it.

P.S. this movie looks so good!

Recently fulfiled wants:
Get a Job (+3,000)
Do Assignment (+1,000)
Talk to Michael (+500)
Gain a Charisma Skill Point (+1,500)
Play with Jazz (+500)
Make a Friend (+500)
Hang Out with Adam (+250)
Eat Ramen (+250)

My wants now:
Win a Game (+1,000)
Flirt with Michael (+750)
Gain a Logic Skill Point (+4,000)
Eat Salmon (+500)
Buy a Game costing at least $40 (+40)
Be Saved from Death (+8,000)

My fears:
Lose Job (-3,000)
Get Sick (-500)
See a Ghost (-1,000)

I'm in science class.. We're talking about fossils and there's a picture of a trilobyte. One kid didn't know what it was so the prof was explaining it and said it had very advanced compound eyes like a fly or something and that they also repaired their own eyes because they had biologically figured out lens-making millions of years ago. The kid asked why we don't have amazing advanced compound eyes if they are so good. ...whaa? Haha. I just thought that was funny. It's not like humans have the best eyes, or even the best ears or etc anyway. But here's my point. This is egocentrism. This is the root of racism, of wars, of hatred. This is ignorance on it's basic level. You're NOT the best. Your self, your nation, your race, your species is not superior in every way to any other.

I can't believe my iChabod Pod hasn't left it's dock all semester. Maybe that's what's wrong with me... I just need music! I love walking from class to class with some Missy or Daft or something else hot bumping my ears. I need that... I need new headphones! And probably a new iPod... My battery life has shrunken by ridiculous lengths. That sucks. I need a new camera too... A video one maybe... And a job... Haha. I'll go see bout that today too...

This kid KEEPS asking dumb questions and sidetracking our prof... Not that it's a difficult task whatsoever. Can we please move on? Haha, also today he's taken to saying "gesundheit" to every student who sneezes. It's HIGH season for allergies... Sucks for him.

So I'm going back to Aurora this weekend... It's weird to call it 'home' because I feel like Greeley is just as much if not moreso my home now, so I rarely call it "home." Donno what I'll do there but I'd really love to see Corpse Bride with my sisters. I'm actually really looking forward to that. That and laundry, because my clean wardrobe is now embarrassing.

I'm WAYYYY more excited for Goblet of Fire than I was for Corpse Bride, and I nearly peed my pants watching any commercial for the latter. I think I'm buying some Depends on November 18. That movie looks SO amazing. I hope it's as good as they're making it seem.

It was so pretty.

Thank you, glorious month of September and thank lyou global warming. I am walking home in the rain right now and it is so refreshing.

An adult recently said that I'm "a good kid, but he's trying too much to find the keys to the kingdom" or something like that. I wish I could say I understand what that's supposed to mean, but alas. I also think it's funny that people can spend a few hours with you and deduce things like this about your personality and your modus operandi. Seriously, I knew this adult for a very short period of time, I was very scarcely myself during this time, in addition to being kind of drunk. Well... I guess that's what humans do best, is pre-judge. But in any case... I've tried to figure it out, but to no avail. I'm 19... What else am I supposed to be doing? Help?